i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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