The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
