is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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