Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
