Got a toothbrush?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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