I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
