Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
