I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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