There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
