I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize