remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
