I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
