We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
