Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its liver damage thursday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
