So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
