dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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