the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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