the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
