4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
