im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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