I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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