I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
