These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
