did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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