you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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