I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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