dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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