he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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