If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
