and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize