If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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