alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
