She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
