I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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