I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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