worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
