great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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