Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
