I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
