I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
