I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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