i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
