Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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