I think I died a long time ago.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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