last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
