Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ketchup is God's man juice
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
