found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
