If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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