Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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