Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
