when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
