So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
