Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
