My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He passed out mid-signature
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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