I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
