The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
