I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
