I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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