it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
