They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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