so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
