shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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