I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Four minutes until I can fart!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
