i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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