This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
