I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
